Romantic Overtures
by Racke
Summary: Mikuru is beautiful beyond compare. That's just fact. See, Haruhi agrees with me too, and we never agree an anything at all. Ever.


XXX

 **Story** : [Romantic Overtures]

 **Summary** : Mikuru is beautiful beyond compare. That's just fact. See, Haruhi agrees with me too, and we never agree an anything at all. Ever.

 **Genre** : Romance, Humor

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

It's never been exactly easy to describe what the Brigade is.

It's Haruhi's pet-project, it's Koizumi's chance to talk to people who won't swoon over his annoyingly pretty face, it's Nagato's place to read, it's Asahina's opportunity to dodge around her adoring fans, and it's all of the excitement I could ever need in my life.

But it's more than that, too.

It's Haruhi's desperate attempt to reach out for her own humanity, it's Koizumi's frantic attempts to keep the world from ending, it's Nagato's reason for being created, it's Asahina's future-assigned duty, and it's nearly been the death of me more than once.

I think I love them. All of them, in their own strange ways.

Even Koizumi and his annoying commentary. Though I won't be held responsible for punching him in the face if he keeps inching closer to me with that gleeful expression that shows that he's only doing it because it creeps me out.

I'm already a big brother, and even if my sister isn't anything like Nagato, the feelings sometimes overlap. In fact, if I had to pick, I'd say that Nagato is my favorite little sister. My biological one tends to be too cheerful about being annoying to ever really be a competitor for that title.

Haruhi is a confusing mess of frustration and admiration and sympathy and adoration and exasperation. It's hard to say what she is to me, without simply shrugging and saying that she's 'Haruhi'. She's a great many different things, and it's usually all tangled up into one gigantic mess of feelings that can't quite let go.

In comparison, Asahina is a lot easier to explain. She's beautiful, both inside and outside, and even if she's a crybaby at the best of times, it's hard to hold a grudge about it.

But that's just my own feelings on the matter. And even then that's only a simple fragment of what the Brigade actually is.

I couldn't for the life of me begin to comprehend how Koizumi views us individually. He certainly considers us 'good company', and I know he'd fight and die for any one of us without hesitation, just like we'd do the same for him. But does he view Nagato as a little sister in her emerging steps towards humanity, or does he view her as a senpai in the world of the supernatural, or does he consider her economical movements beautiful?

I've given up on trying to understand Koizumi's thought-processes, and my life is better and less headache-inducing because of it. I'd highly recommend for the rest of the world to follow in my footsteps and do the same. It's very comfortable.

But the others are probably just as bad as he is, all of them coming together from being something like outcasts in their own right. A place to meet and find comfort where there's otherwise none to be found.

So describing what the Brigade actually _is_ , is difficult. However, there's a lot of differences in the interactions between our members, if you know where to look.

Haruhi is at the top, alone with only me as a shoulder to lean upon when she deigns to climb down from her throne. Haruhi is in the thick of it, losing competitions against Nagato, being doted on by Koizumi, finding excuses to dress up Asahina in cute clothes, and picking fights with me. A contradiction, depending on which angle you view it from.

Koizumi is the loyal second-in-command, though the one whose commands he follows tend to differ between Haruhi and myself, and the advise he gives differs from day to day. Koizumi steps back, the one most distant out of us all, hiding behind Nagato as if waiting to be saved from something.

Nagato is the insurmountable defense against anything the world might throw at us, unwavering and perfectly at peace with the spot everyone makes for her when inviting her. Nagato breaks and throws tantrums and hides behind my own presence when her superiors demand too much from her.

Asahina smiles and screams and flees and always comes back, always happy to spend time among her friends. Asahina struggles and tries desperately to fill shoes too big for her feet, never at peace and always too close to the edge to let her guard down.

It's hard to describe myself like that. I'm just me. Trying to keep everything from crashing down around our ears, trying to keep these happy days from disappearing into thin air. I'm the responsible one, the one who'll grumble and slack off, the one who'll fight tooth and nail and who'll convince the different members to come back home.

The Brigade is what it is, a dual-sided coin made from opaque glass, both separate sides flowing into each other until it's impossible to say which one should apply.

In the end, none of that probably really matters.

What does matter is that my reaction to hearing that Koizumi had found a date, was to give him a confused look and ask if she was as much of a weirdo as he was. He smiled happily at me and said something about how she wasn't 'nearly as weird' but that she was a much nicer person.

Which basically meant that it could've been almost anyone in the school.

Then Asahina defended him with a 'it could be someone outside of school, too'. Which kind of just completely missed the point of the insult, and made even Koizumi's smile falter a little.

I'm not entirely sure that Asahina hadn't actually done that on purpose, but she'd smiled far too sweetly for me to imagine that she was being sarcastic in her attempts to support Koizumi.

Nagato had just continued reading in her own corner whilst we tried to not poke too much fun at Koizumi, until it was time to wrap up the club. Which was really fairly normal, considering that's how she usually was about things like this.

However, when it was finally time to leave, she calmly shut the book she'd been reading, and put it away, before grabbing Koizumi's sleeve and starting to walk home.

Koizumi sent all of us a slightly embarrassed smile as he waved goodbye, looking almost disturbingly fond as Nagato 'pulled' him through the door. 'Pulled' wasn't really the right word, considering that she was probably being more gentle than someone handling a kitten, but Koizumi seemed more than happy to let that pull guide him through the door and away.

Which left the rest of us staring after them in stunned silence.

A long moment passed.

"Did that really just happen?" I finally voiced, because maybe this was just some kind of weird fever-dream, and we'd soon be interrupted by my little sister running around with a big mustache and punching her way through walls. It'd make about as much sense as the current situation.

"Ah-... I think so?" Asahina said hesitatingly, looking more than a bit stunned.

Haruhi didn't make a sound, as her brain had apparently completely shut down and she was now staring blankly at a wall.

I waved a hand in front of her eyes, she didn't blink.

Creepy.

XXX

So, okay, fine. I understand perfectly well why we're out here, hiding around a corner in order to spy on Koizumi and Nagato during their date.

But you guys _are_ aware that Nagato most likely spotted us before we spotted them, right? And that if she told Koizumi, he'll probably use this as an opportunity to mess with us, just for shits and giggles, right?

Asahina has the grace to look embarrassed, Haruhi just reaches behind her and smacks me, not bothering to even turn around. "Hush, Kyon. Your useless mouth-noises are too loud."

Wow. You could've just settled for 'hush', but you just had to go the extra mile, didn't you? I'm not sure how, but I'll find some way to extract vengeance for that, oh great leader.

Asahina smiles at me, a mixture between sympathetic and amused, and so maybe I won't be quite so ruthless in my inevitable vengeance.

But still, I'm not really sure what we could hope to accomplish with this? Nagato and Koizumi are both people I trust – no matter how annoying Koizumi can be – and they seem to be happy together so it's not like we really have any right to interfere. I mean, I guess there's a chance to 'live through them' in the sense that none of us are ever going to get a date.

Sorry Asahina, but I'll scare off as many boys as I need to. Even if I'll have to convince Haruhi that they're trying to 'poach' you for some other club.

And yeah, as long as Haruhi keeps her mouth shut she'd attract boys left and center, but it's not like she actually _can_ keep her mouth shut – let alone has any desire to do so – so it's something of a moot point.

I suppose I'm the only one of the three of us who's just not attractive. Which would be a blow to my self-esteem, but I get to spend most days in the company of Asahina, so there's not really any need to worry about things like that.

Alright, back to the subject. There's not really any point for why we're stalking Nagato and Koizumi like this. They probably both know that we're here, and they're both trustworthy individuals who seem unusually happy together. Admittedly, it's kind of cute – in a more than slightly bizarre way – but that's it.

So can't we at least find somewhere to sit down out of the sun? I'm boiling alive here.

The couple in question choose that moment to turn around another corner, and I roll my eyes at them. I'm pretty sure they're going to lead us on a chase, just to annoy us. Though that's most likely Koizumi's idea. Nagato is far too bluntly practical for that kind of subtlety.

Rounding the corner ourselves, the couple is leaning into each other, talking about something, and then Koizumi blushes through his smile and they enter a door.

A door connected to something that isn't a cafe.

A door that is in fact connected to a great big sign.

A door that is connected to a big sign reading 'love hotel'.

I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill him dead!

I'm halfway across the street before an arm hooks me around the throat and pulls me back to the corner.

"Dammit, Kyon! Don't let him get to you!" Haruhi scolds, ruthlessly choking me as I struggle. "This is war! You can't just go off all willy-nilly like that!"

XXX

After having had some time to cool down – as well as been denied air for long enough that imminent and perfectly justifiable homicide seemed less interesting than being allowed to breathe before my vision turned completely black – I reluctantly agree with Haruhi.

We'd known from the start that Koizumi was going to mess with us, just because he could. He was that kind of guy, and Nagato wasn't really the type to deny someone a chance at a practical joke.

She had a horrible sense of humor, and was a strange mixture of naive and ruthlessly practical when it came to dealing with people. But she wouldn't mind playing along with someone else's misunderstanding, and Koizumi was highly unlikely to actually _do_ anything untoward if he knew that the rest of the Brigade was watching.

So obviously, this was a practical joke against us.

That didn't make me any less likely to be 'nice' to Koizumi anytime soon, but it meant that I probably wasn't going to drown him in a toilet. Which was an improvement from his earlier inevitable fate.

There weren't any other exits than the one in the front however, so it was a simple matter of waiting for the couple to return. Which was kind of bizarre considering how there ought to have been a lot of customers who'd appreciated having a second exit, but it was what it was.

Sooner or later, they'd emerge, and then the rest of the Brigade could confront them properly with a kind 'we know that you know'-motivation for why we'd been hiding until then. After all, even if we _had_ been aware that Nagato properly spotted them before they spotted the couple, this latest escapade proved that there wasn't any point in stalking them any further.

And Haruhi was virtually vibrating from curiosity about how they'd gotten together, and what their intentions towards each other actually were.

Asahina looked curious too, but with less 'bloodhound' and more 'secret romantic'. It made her look kind of stunningly adorable, so I tried to pretend like I was watching the door more than I was her, seeing as how Haruhi were exactly the kind of person who'd pick up on that and shove an elbow into my ribs for being 'an unsubtle pervert'.

Not sure if that meant that it would be fine to be a 'subtle pervert', but then it was always hard to tell these kinds of things when it came to Haruhi.

Which was probably why she got along so well with my little sister. That girl was always far too cheerful when something new and unusual happened, and Haruhi was notoriously complicated to predict beyond a developed wariness for her silence.

If Haruhi was quiet, then she was definitely up to something. That was just a fact. The problem came in trying to figure out if she was up to something extensive, or if she was just stealing all of your pens and replacing them with ones with green ink.

That'd gotten me in trouble with the teacher actually. And they refused to believe me until I dragged Nagato along as a character-witness of our club-leader. Haruhi obviously wasn't worth anything at all as a character-witness, because she'd been cackling unrepentantly about getting me into trouble the moment I finally made it back to the club-room.

Koizumi had also been excluded as he was simply far too shifty-looking to make other people trust him, even if they were teachers who all seemed to consider him an 'honor student'. Increased exposure would just make them more and more suspicious of the boy, and I had no desire to be included in that wariness.

Nagato on the other hand was notoriously and ruthlessly blunt about everything in her life, which meant that the idea of her lying would never cross anyone's mind. Not that she'd actually lie, regardless of that. But considering how it really _was_ all Haruhi's fault, I hadn't needed her to.

Startling out of my thoughts as the doors to the love hotel finally opened, I glanced at Asahina one final time, and then set off in the wake of Haruhi's deliberate march towards the couple.

Koizumi smiled in greeting, waving a bit, and still looking a bit red in the face. Apparently love hotels was still a little bit embarrassing to enter, even if it was as a joke. Ah well, he had it coming for being so shifty-looking.

Nagato was as unaffected as always.

"You two better explain yourselves!" Haruhi pointed dramatically at the two of them, ignoring that we were probably drawing a crowd.

Considering our ages, we should actually probably really avoid drawing attention to ourselves when we were standing right in front of a love hotel that two of our classmates had just left. Sure, the laws weren't really all that strict and we were all the same age, but it certainly wouldn't do our reputations any good.

Asahina seemed to agree with my wincing, and even Koizumi's smile looked a bit stiff on his unusually pink face, but Haruhi charged onwards with her interrogations regardless. I'd expect nothing less from her.

"Don't worry." Nagato answered in her usual monotone, reaching into a bag and holding up something plastic. "Protected."

It was a multipack of condoms. The kind where you broke one off to open it separately.

Or, if you were in a big hurry, it was the type where you could open one separately without removing it from how it was attached to the rest of them, causing only the casing to remain. Like this particular sample.

Nagato had an _opened_ package of condoms on her.

Asahina made a squeaking noise and Haruhi whipped around to grab me in a choke like she'd done earlier, succeeding – barely – in saving Koizumi's damned throat from my grasping hands.

XXX

"Quit teasing Kyon, you two." Haruhi rolled her eyes, her steel-like arm still wrapped around my neck. "There's no challenge in something like that."

"Ah, our apologies." Koizumi smiled, still looking a bit pink around the edges.

I made a grasping motion towards his neck, but Haruhi shoved her hip into my gut, driving the air out of my lungs. Considering that I kind of desperately needed that air since no new air-intake was forthcoming due to Haruhi's ruthless grip around my neck, I understandably made a noise something akin to the wheeze of a dying raccoon.

Nagato watched my face – which was in all likelihood rapidly turning blue – with something a bit like fascinated curiosity, if the tiny micro-expression on her face was anything to go by. She was always a difficult girl to read.

Asahina was still blushing brightly at the insinuations of the couple, alternating between trying to pretend as if she wasn't affected by it at all, and looking at anything other than the two of them. Or me and Haruhi, actually, so she was probably embarrassed about Haruhi manhandling me like this.

I'd probably be embarrassed too if I wasn't caught between desperately trying to breathe and halfheartedly trying to stop Koizumi from breathing. I had no illusions to my ability to break free of Haruhi's hold and extract ruthless vengeance against Koizumi for dragging Nagato along with his schemes.

"My fault." Nagato nodded, accepting blame for taking the joke too far. Which she needn't do, considering that it was probably Koizumi who'd considered all of it in the first place. Nagato paused, glancing towards Koizumi with something a little bit like resignation, but which couldn't possibly be such a feeling. "Will wait."

Koizumi turned a bit redder, and his smile kind of twitched weirdly. As if he wasn't sure if he was actually smiling or in desperate need to cough up his lungs.

Haruhi opened her mouth, frowned, looking confused for a moment before her eyes widened. "Oh." She turned a little pink around the edges, before clearing her throat. "Well, in that case-..." She faltered, then straightened in an awkward way – even considering how she was still keeping me in a headlock. She cleared her throat again. "Right." She glanced between the couple. "I'll... let you sort that out. As long as you're careful!"

Then she turned on her heel and started dragging me away, with the desperate haste of someone wanting the ground to swallow them up lending speed to her movements.

I was still feeling a bit lost. Koizumi had been acting weird, and now Haruhi was acting weird too. Sure, Nagato had said something, but I hadn't been able to hear it over a sudden and inexplicable air-horn going off next to my ear.

There wasn't anyone carrying around an air-horn that I could see, so it was probably some Haruhi-shenanigans, but it wasn't like I could really bring attention to it when Haruhi was the one keeping me in a headlock. Also, the lack of air was starting to make things gray a bit around the edges, so I hurried to follow in her footsteps before she started to really drag me along by my neck.

Asahina was following us too, which was probably for the best. Even if we could've used someone to beat some shame into Koizumi for dragging innocent Nagato along with his shifty schemes, that person was probably never going to be Asahina. She was far too nice for something like that.

Actually, our pace was doing some interesting things to-... bouncy bouncy-...

What was I thinking about again?

Realizing that my position was really putting a strain on my back, I finally managed to struggle loose from Haruhi's headlock, breathing in fresh air for the first time in what felt like ages.

Haruhi glanced over her shoulder at me, still a bit pink in the face. "Oh please, it wasn't that bad, you wimp."

Maybe that'd be true if I hadn't been in close proximity to Haruhi's armpit. It was a hot day, and she'd been moving around a lot. The combination of those factors hadn't been kind to her smell.

In hindsight, I should probably not have mentioned that last bit out loud.

Asahina made a panicked noise as I crumpled to the ground from the fist buried in my stomach.

Our fearless leader had a fearsome right hook.

XXX

It was weird how the dynamic of the Brigade changed. Or perhaps, it was weird how it didn't change all that much.

Nagato still mostly sat in her corner and read, Koizumi still played boardgames with me, Asahina still served tea, and Haruhi still made a fuss.

The difference really came down to the expeditions around town to track down supernatural phenomena, where Koizumi and Nagato were both immediately paired off and immediately separated, depending on Haruhi's mood. After all, they were a couple and were happy to go together, but they were also a couple and would probably blatantly ignore bothering with actually doing the 'task'.

Haruhi was very conflicted, and mostly took it out on me. As usual.

Then there was the way that Nagato and Koizumi held hands whenever club activities ended and it was time to go home. Which was weird, but mostly harmless.

Despite what Haruhi seemed to believe, I certainly hadn't needed a three-hours long Haruhi-crafted sensitivity-course about interfering with the dating couple. I hadn't been acting strangely at all, and checking to see about the feasibility of putting 'concrete shoes' on someone had been completely unrelated. As had been the brief investigation into Koizumi's shoe-size.

It wasn't even like I had a wheelbarrow to drive the smug bastard into the harbor with. So Haruhi had definitely been overreacting.

Things were different, but still the same as always.

XXX

"Kyon! We're going to the aquarium!"

Whilst not as bad as some of the places I can imagine being forced into visiting with Haruhi, I can't help but notice a distinct lack of allowed participation from the decision-making side of things.

"Oh, shut up!" Haruhi glares at me. "Mikuru-chan wanted to go."

So we're going to the aquarium. I wonder what it'll be like.

Haruhi rolls her eyes at me, but turns a big grin Asahina's way when the girl glances our way.

Asahina blushes cutely, smiling with a kind of happy innocence that can cleanse a person's soul of all evil. Even the soul of someone as heartless and cruel as Haruhi.

Haruhi shoves an elbow into my ribs, but doesn't even glance away from where she too is staring at Asahina's happy smile. Inadvertently proving my point perfectly.

XXX

She looks beautiful.

The dim light reflecting from the aquarium proper, flickering slowly across her face in time with the waves and the occupants swimming past it, only managing to somehow make her wide eyes and awed smile all the more breathtaking.

Asahina makes a soft noise of delight as she spots something new, turning her head and causing her hair to flutter like weightless silk in the air.

She really is on a whole different level to us common mortals. Beautiful beyond compare, and as she glances back our way and manages to smile even wider as she points at the new thing that's caught her attention, I-...

I suppress the urge to pull her into a hug and never let go, and instead glance at Haruhi. Haruhi who is staring at Asahina as if she's the single most beautiful thing that she's ever seen. Thankfully, it makes her face look more hilarious than attractive, so it helps snap me out of my distraction.

Asahina has enough people drooling over her in school, without her friends joining in. And, near-ethereally beautiful though she might be in the dim lights with how the environment contrasts so fascinatingly with the lights from the water, we're supposed to be here to look at the fishes.

I shove an elbow into Haruhi's ribs, because she really does look ridiculous, and Asahina is skipping this way so she should hurry and wipe that dumb expression off her face.

Haruhi responds to it by stepping on my toes, which is unfair, but kind of to be expected.

"Look look, Kyon-kun, Haruhi-chan! It's a manta-ray!" She points back to the glass, bouncing in excitement. "It's flapping!"

I-... I think I might seriously be dying. Or maybe I just need to sit down, and pull Asahina into a hug and never let-... No, we're supposed to be watching the fishes. That's why we're here. We're not here to stare lovestruck at Asahina as she moves about in excited delight.

I follow what she's pointing at, and that is indeed a manta-ray. It's pretty strange, seeing it move like that in real life, rather than just on video.

Glancing back at Haruhi-... Dammit, Haruhi, keep it in your pants, you deviant.

Stepping on the girl's foot to startle her out of the way she's staring slack-jawed at Asahina, I manage to bring her back to reality before she starts to drool.

She promptly plants an elbow into my ribs. Which is unfair, but kind of expected.

Asahina spins around to spot something new again, and I realize with some dismay that I'm going to be horribly bruised by the time we finish here.

My only comfort is that Haruhi is going to be just as bruised.

The memories of Asahina smiling happily at us obviously don't count. If they did, they'd pay for the bruises a hundred times over, and that'd just be inviting Haruhi into getting creative.

XXX

"Did it ever occur to you that she actually wants you two to get along?"

Glancing up at Koizumi from where I'd been rubbing the bruises Haruhi left behind during yesterday's excursion, I can't quite help scoffing. Get along with Haruhi? We get along fine. It's just bruises.

Koizumi's ever-present smile fades into an exasperated-sounding sigh. Which is just rude. "I'm uncertain of what it's like in the future Asahina-san comes from, but despite common misconceptions, happy polyamorous relationships have existed since recorded history."

There's a brief pause in my brain as I try equating that statement to anything having to do with Asahina and Haruhi-... Wait. Together with Haruhi? As in-...?

Suppressing the urge to immediately respond to this with 'yuck', how would that even work? I mean, I'm pretty sure I know how girls have sex – and it's admittedly an interesting image to imagine, even if one of them is Haruhi – but generally when the whole 'threesome' concept is mentioned it's in the sense of 'two girls sharing a boyfriend' more than 'a boy and a girl sharing a girlfriend'.

Then again, I kind of really don't want to ask Koizumi that question.

Hell, I'd rather ask _Haruhi_ that question, and-... That's actually not a bad idea.

Depending on how I phrase it, I might even be able to mock her for being dense if she can't answer it. Double-win.

XXX

Haruhi stares at me like I'm a retarded sea-anemone for a long moment. Then her eyes kind of glaze over in thought.

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard, Kyon." Haruhi's face starts going a bit red, but her eyes remain glazed over, as if she can't quite let go of her imagination. "How would that even work-...?"

With Asahina in the middle? It's not like it's rocket-science, Haruhi. You can look this kind of shit up on the glorious wonder that is the internet, no problem. Though you might admittedly have to wade through a bit of porn to get there.

Haruhi makes a weird sound, still staring off into space.

Oi, Haruhi, quit imagining having sex with Asahina, you deviant.

XXX

Sharing a glance with Haruhi as Asahina indeed closes her eyes with the patience of a saint, I try to not to pay attention to how wonderfully warm and soft Asahina's hand is in mine. The goal here is to show a united front in that we're both willing to do things other than holding hands, and that we're willing to do them together.

Even so, her hand is just so adorable-...

Shaking my head to clear that thought before Haruhi notices and elbows me in the ribs again – they're still bruised, which is unfair because I'm pretty sure Haruhi heals a lot faster than I do – I take a deep breath and lean in-...

Asahina's cheek is soft.

Pulling away, trying to ignore the way my face is flushing embarrassingly, I notice that Haruhi has had the exact same reaction, which probably means that she's thinking about something perverted, the deviant.

Asahina makes a soft and adorable little squeaking noise, her eyes fluttering open to glance between the two of us.

Haruhi swallows awkwardly and opens her mouth to choke out the actual verbal question. "Will you be our girlfriend?"

"Ah." Her hand squeezes down on mine, and she smiles at the both of us. "I'd love to."

The fact that she then goes on to press a kiss of her own to both of our cheeks is more than enough to make up for the embarrassment of Nagato dryly handing me a pack of condoms the next day.

It doesn't mean that I won't glare at Koizumi for corrupting Nagato with his stupid sense of humor, but it's not like I'm really exposed to either of them outside of the clubroom. And it's hard to pay attention to other people when Asahina is smiling so happily at me.

Even if Haruhi _does_ step on my toes. It's not like I don't step on hers in retaliation. Considering how much she stares adoringly at our girlfriend, day in and day out, she seriously needs to learn how to keep it in her pants.

XXX

 **A/n: Kind of wanted to write this pairing after it occurred to me. Which wasn't as easy as that, because I seriously had some plot-issues, but Haruhi and Kyon's relationship here always makes me smile.**


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